First Loves
Where you are now, i hope,
i pray, this is minor
insignificance - below the focus
of your eternal perspective....
And that you are still with him,
our mutual paramour,
even now in the paths he's chosen.
Once I gave him to you,
to guide and grow through
all this world's crap.
But you left this life
suddenly
and I still struggle with
adjustment.
Where you are now, i hope,
i pray, you know the
sacrifice it takes, to give him
again, to someone else...
Someone not versed in us,
and not part of our time
growing into life ...
I pray that you are still with him,
our mutual paramour,
guiding the paths he's chosen.
He's neither yours nor mine,
but we both would care
what happens now.
You've always had more power than i,
in this,
so, please, please...
Please guide him
to safe shores.
Things I Almost Wrote
i almost penned
poems that changed the world,
cured cancer,
liberated the oppressed,
and dressed
huddled masses.
i nearly drafted
the unifying theory of everything,
resolved all
quantum ambiguity,
human grief
and god.
but sadly,
i expended all that talent
on trite and puerile
self-deluded drivel
over the significance
of you to me.
Sekrit Stash of Werdz
i'm ok
really i am
ok with the drifting
and confusion
sometimes
the world can seem so irrelevant
but
then again
maybe thatz actually the point.
Catastrophic
Say to yourself again
that i am not your responsibility -
so loud that i can hear it now,
even across whatever continuing
distance, confusion or barrier
you riddle your little life with...
and all those times to me, in trouble
you appealed,
and i answered
grateful, supplicant -
the chance to prove my faith
in what i saw in you,
the potential i could feel
no matter whatever distance, confusion
or barrier...
you had so many reasons not to lie -
not the least of which was
that
i am not your responsiblity...
so, why?
why did you fail me so.
Of the Cosmos
I don't think it was an accident -
whatever the paperwork
might end up saying.
I mean,
you'd kinda been walking this line...
And going to texas now,
i have so many things i want
to say to you,
just like i would
going to texas at any time other.
And at any time other,
i could expect a day,
or night, afternoon
or moment
when
together somewhere
on the porch, in the car,
or the living room,
in front of the tv
we'd be
laughing so hard,
so many times over,
our eyes tear up
and your dimples hurt...
No, i don't think it was an accident -
maybe a small mistake or
miscalculation.
Maybe,
but you'd been walking this line...
And if i could call you now,
like i did the last time, last month
that this almost
happened before...
you know i'd call you like any time other.
And at any time other,
i never asked to know,
to understand your
reasons or
what
it is that could make
you feel so alone, or
scared, or so sad, or
maybe even bored that
you'd lose
track of yourself
like that, let go and slip
away - no, i
never asked you why...
But it really doesn't matter if it was an accident -
or something you meant to do
Muscle Memory
there is always only but thin skin
between us.
time and space and all that -
no matter...
i wish i could say it -
and i know you're waiting to hear.
but the words
catch
in my throat
and my mind becomes so preoccupied
with basic necessities -
even breathing requires conscious direction...
whenever you are near.
Intersexion
living now alongside some
strange hollow sense
the vacuum of space after
a vacation nearly over
and run itz course
if it were only sex
oh, god, it'd be so easy
no questions
all boundaries
and forward
thanks for all the fish
but we're beyond
that
we're talking now
or sayin shit anyway
deferring the clothes ripping
backseat animal
rutting to
pleasant conversation over tea
yes, things are going well, i say
better than i expected, and you?
all entirely on the up and up
dreaming the future we wish to see
us friends and friendly
and
beyond clothes rippin
backseat animal
rutting.
Social Contracting
He thinks i am too open,
and trustful of people,
always assuming goodness
and the best of intentions.
So i shouldn't be suprised, he says,
when shit like this happens
and i get it wrong.
He doesnt understand why the sadness -
we've talked about this!
didnt i expect it?
And yes, i guess
but
that is the sad part..
that people live up to their own smallness
trapped in suspicious little
worlds.
